My Thanksgiving Reflection
“Let us give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever and His faithfulness continues through all generations”. (Psalms 100:4, 5)
This is at the heart of ‘Thanksgiving’. It is a time to stop and thank God for all He has done in our lives and to appreciate the family He has blessed us with. Today, as I look out into the vastness of the ocean before me and hear the roar of the waves as they break onto the shore, I cannot help but reflect on how far I have journeyed, not just in these last few weeks, but over these last 8 years. It was at this time of ‘Thanksgiving’ in 1998 that my family here came together to morn, and to also give thanks for the life of Albert Connett, my father. Around the same time on another continent a letter was being sent to this same man, in a desperate search to connect a father with a daughter he never knew existed.
People say when God closes one door a window opens. In my case, my brother, Abby opened a window to the opportunity of gaining a sister and introducing her into a family of ‘Connett’s”. Twelve months later, after endless emails and correspondences back and forth, I arrived on US soil in excited anticipation. As I read back over diary entries of those first meetings, the nervous excitement, the insecurities and doubts of ‘what on earth I was doing’ and along with this, there were endless questions that I was seeking answers too. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Yes, I had come to meet my family, but I had also come to find out who was Albert Connett (III) and how significant could he be now in helping me to search for the part of my life missing for over 30 years. I remember those 6 weeks here as an emotional rollercoaster ride, with each meeting, there were stories, photo’s, laughter and tears, and from each person I was able to begin to know a man they called ‘Dad’ and “Brother”, a man who had been only a name to me for most of my life, he was now becoming alive. I know this statement sounds like a paradox considering he had died a year earlier, but this is how it was for me. It was also a time of mourning for me. A significant memory will always be visiting the site of Abby’s final resting place out on Long Is, and grieving for a man I never knew, and yet who gave me life. The incredible sadness of getting so close to contacting him, and to have it taken from me when it was almost within grasp cannot ever be explained or expressed, except maybe to say it was the same pain I felt when I lost Peter, without ever knowing him either. At times like today, when I allow myself time to think on these things, the same pain comes flooding in like a tide and you cannot help but ponder on the ‘if onlys’. It is a place to visit, but not to stay. Like burial plots you visit to reach out to memories but after a while you know there is no life here, and so you pick yourself up and return to the life that you know and look again to the many blessings it holds.
From that first visit, I went home changed in many ways. I had a new understanding of who I was and a new acceptance of his. For years I had tried to change the areas of my life that made me so different from others around me, now I knew where these genetic traits originated and it was ok to have them as it was a reflection of my heritage as a ‘Connett’. I now see my life as a giant jigsaw puzzle with no picture to help me complete it; instead I know I have the guiding hand of the Lord and His instruction manual. All at once, and yet at different times I am working on specific sections and relationships. When I first travelled here I arrived with only a few treasured pieces (of my Dad) and I left with hundreds to work on. On the second trip over here with Roderick, David and Bec, I was able to begin to unite the two worlds (life in Australia with my heritage and family here). These last few months, have seen that picture become more complete and in each place I have gone, I have taken on more and more pieces. I realize now why God doesn’t give us the whole picture, or ever tell us how many pieces there are to our lives, as we may not even want to undertake the journey. It is a true tapestry of time, because even though our lives are a unique picture, we are interwoven into the lives of others around us, our families, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. We are shaped and influenced by those around us, not always for good, many of us can relate to some battle scars, but we can trust in a God that can turn troubled times around and bring forth a blessing from the remotest of places. My life has certainly been a testament to this.
Back to Thanksgiving, I want to use this letter to firstly thank God for all He has done in my life, for the many blessings I enjoy each day, and for the family He ahs given to me.
To those in Australia, this really is a celebration worth having and next year we will do it together! Roderick and I love you all heaps, and ‘no matter how far or how wide we roam, we still call Australia home”.! We have missed you all, there have been days when we were terribly homesick and so we really appreciated your emails, cards and calls, to help us get through them. We do look forward to coming home and seeing you all again. However, it will be difficult to leave the States this time. It has been our home for 4 months and our ties are stronger. We feel like we are home here too, this is a difficult concept to explain, David knows what I mean and I suspect that my Dad (Abby) once felt the same way about Australia. I remember when David came home from his extended stay here, there were days when he would have tears in his eyes because he missed being in the States with Hartley. The life he had experienced here has forever changed him, and the same can be said for Roderick and me.
So to our family here we want to say ”Thank you”, for your love and open hearts, for your hospitality and generosity, for accepting us into your lives and sharing with us your memories. It is through all of you that I feel I have come home, and while I have never had the name ‘Connett’ you have embraced me as one, which has meant more to me than you will ever know. Thank you.
I have chosen to use this letter to share my heart with those I love. To reflect on part of a journey that has been deeply personal and significant to me. I share it, so all my family may see a glimpse into why this Thanksgiving will be so special to me, not because of a ‘day’, but because of the lives of those around me. Roderick and I have shared “Thanksgiving” times throughout our time here and equally so with our family at home. We have countless photos’ to remember them by ! So to everyone of you near and far “Happy Thanksgiving”, we will be thinking of you all and praying a special blessing comes your way as you have blessed us.
All our love,
Decima and Roderick
Friday, September 4, 2009
My Reflection, September 2009
The last reflection I wrote was for Thanksgiving 2006 while I was in the States. Now that time seems such a distant memory, and my family there seem so far away. We live with the hope of again returning and sharing some special times together that we will forever treasure in our hearts.
This has been a tough week for me at work, on the back of a tough few months. Yesterday I said ‘Goodbye’ to a patient who could have been my daughter, born only a week before my daughter, Bec. This week I sat each day comforting her parents, all the while thanking God it was not me in their situation. It was heartbreaking; all I could promise was a comfortable death for their only daughter. A daughter they will never see married or have children as I have been privileged to do. A daughter who wanted to live, to keep her dignity and her independence; just like my Bec would want to do. Each time I said her name, my grand-daughters face would flash in front of me and each afternoon as I left I would see them look at me like they longed to be able to leave their nightmare behind them too. I am convinced that losing a child is the hardest road to travel, it is one I can identify with and I know this journey and pain for these parents will continue for years to come. In my heart I cry with them. When I got in the lift yesterday I knew in my heart that before I come back Monday, they will take the lift one last time and leave their ‘little girl’ behind.
It was one of those days I wanted to come home and hold Bec close, just because I could. I wanted to see Katelyn’s face and hear her little laugh because I am a grandmother and a mother. Instead the ordinary things of life crept in, like an appointment to the accountant for our annual tax assessment. I arrived home, secretly hoping for an email that would lift my spirits, but instead there was one that made me sad. I can appreciate and understand that the world that I work in every day is not one that touches outside lives and I try as much as I can to shield my family and friends from this world of heartbreak and pain, but sometimes I wish they could take the lessons from another’s suffering. The most important lesson is that ‘tomorrows’ are not guaranteed. The moments God gives us are in the everyday, in watching our children grow, in sharing life and loving together. The things that come to divide us will one day mean nothing when someone dies. Some battles are just not worth engaging in. In my life, I have encountered a lot of death, the death of loved ones as well as the death of many patients. I can remember clearly when my Dad died when I had just turned 13. It may have been expected but the pain was raw and I grieved for a long time, this grief continues on as special events occur like weddings and the birth of my children and my brother’s children too. Dad would have given anything to be able to have shared these moments with us. In the jigsaw of life, when we experience the death of a loved one, we lose so many pieces, and they are ongoing. They can never be replaced and there will always be moments like today, where you long for them to be here to hold you and ease the pain that your heart is experiencing.
Another Milestone
In 3 weeks time, Roderick and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We have loved each other for over 30 years. We have endured the difficulties, and survived against the odds. We have enjoyed many wonderful years, and been blessed beyond measure by a God who has comforted us, continually loved us and redeemed to us the years the locust had eaten. There were times when we were self absorbed and too busy to care, unable to see our relationship and home deteriorating before us. We are grateful that God turned this around for us and today we are sharing the best years of our lives together. Our children (and grand-daughter) are our greatest legacy. We are so proud of the adults they have matured into. Watching Bec mother Katelyn brings me enormous pride, because as a mother, you hope and pray that your daughter will be all that God has called her to be and more. I see this in Bec, she has a maturity beyond her years. The family that she and Evan have founded will be a blessing to future generations. Today, I am also witness to a future that my son, David is planning with Amanda; it brings me great joy to see their love blossom and to know God is bringing them to a place of commitment for a future life together. I am enjoying the opportunities to get to know Amanda more, to enjoy her company and support them both on this journey.
This feels like a double edged reflection, and in some ways it is. My life is full, busy and hopefully productive. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had and excited about the future God has planned for Roderick and I. We are thankful for the family and friends that God has given to us and their place in our lives. Our prayer is that we are a blessing to those around us and that we may inspire others to be all that God has purposed them to be.
Decima
This has been a tough week for me at work, on the back of a tough few months. Yesterday I said ‘Goodbye’ to a patient who could have been my daughter, born only a week before my daughter, Bec. This week I sat each day comforting her parents, all the while thanking God it was not me in their situation. It was heartbreaking; all I could promise was a comfortable death for their only daughter. A daughter they will never see married or have children as I have been privileged to do. A daughter who wanted to live, to keep her dignity and her independence; just like my Bec would want to do. Each time I said her name, my grand-daughters face would flash in front of me and each afternoon as I left I would see them look at me like they longed to be able to leave their nightmare behind them too. I am convinced that losing a child is the hardest road to travel, it is one I can identify with and I know this journey and pain for these parents will continue for years to come. In my heart I cry with them. When I got in the lift yesterday I knew in my heart that before I come back Monday, they will take the lift one last time and leave their ‘little girl’ behind.
It was one of those days I wanted to come home and hold Bec close, just because I could. I wanted to see Katelyn’s face and hear her little laugh because I am a grandmother and a mother. Instead the ordinary things of life crept in, like an appointment to the accountant for our annual tax assessment. I arrived home, secretly hoping for an email that would lift my spirits, but instead there was one that made me sad. I can appreciate and understand that the world that I work in every day is not one that touches outside lives and I try as much as I can to shield my family and friends from this world of heartbreak and pain, but sometimes I wish they could take the lessons from another’s suffering. The most important lesson is that ‘tomorrows’ are not guaranteed. The moments God gives us are in the everyday, in watching our children grow, in sharing life and loving together. The things that come to divide us will one day mean nothing when someone dies. Some battles are just not worth engaging in. In my life, I have encountered a lot of death, the death of loved ones as well as the death of many patients. I can remember clearly when my Dad died when I had just turned 13. It may have been expected but the pain was raw and I grieved for a long time, this grief continues on as special events occur like weddings and the birth of my children and my brother’s children too. Dad would have given anything to be able to have shared these moments with us. In the jigsaw of life, when we experience the death of a loved one, we lose so many pieces, and they are ongoing. They can never be replaced and there will always be moments like today, where you long for them to be here to hold you and ease the pain that your heart is experiencing.
Another Milestone
In 3 weeks time, Roderick and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We have loved each other for over 30 years. We have endured the difficulties, and survived against the odds. We have enjoyed many wonderful years, and been blessed beyond measure by a God who has comforted us, continually loved us and redeemed to us the years the locust had eaten. There were times when we were self absorbed and too busy to care, unable to see our relationship and home deteriorating before us. We are grateful that God turned this around for us and today we are sharing the best years of our lives together. Our children (and grand-daughter) are our greatest legacy. We are so proud of the adults they have matured into. Watching Bec mother Katelyn brings me enormous pride, because as a mother, you hope and pray that your daughter will be all that God has called her to be and more. I see this in Bec, she has a maturity beyond her years. The family that she and Evan have founded will be a blessing to future generations. Today, I am also witness to a future that my son, David is planning with Amanda; it brings me great joy to see their love blossom and to know God is bringing them to a place of commitment for a future life together. I am enjoying the opportunities to get to know Amanda more, to enjoy her company and support them both on this journey.
This feels like a double edged reflection, and in some ways it is. My life is full, busy and hopefully productive. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had and excited about the future God has planned for Roderick and I. We are thankful for the family and friends that God has given to us and their place in our lives. Our prayer is that we are a blessing to those around us and that we may inspire others to be all that God has purposed them to be.
Decima
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