This was some material I prepared for a growth group which studied the book: Search for Significance. My attempt was to bring a practical demonstration to a topic that can sometimes be a difficult concept to grasp.
(Start with the lights off for a minute). Allow darkness to envelope us, as we struggle to see. Light a candle or turn on a torch, revealing some of what can be seen. Then turn the lights on to reveal everything that was hidden a few moments before.
The greater the light source the more that is revealed to us. We can see the difference between the candle/ torch and the light bulb. This is an example of what our journey together will be like over the coming weeks. The light represents God’s truth and the more we begin to allow the light to shine in our hearts, the greater the freedom we experience and with this freedom will come our significance and worth.
It is difficult to turn on the light of objectivity by ourselves. We need guidance from the Holy Spirit and usually the honesty, love and encouragement of at least one other person who is willing to help us. The Lord desires truth and honesty at the deepest level and wants us to experience His love, forgiveness and power in all areas of our lives.
Our responsibility is to apply the truth of God’s word to our life and to embrace the plans and purposes He has uniquely designed for us. This does require commitment, as many of our beliefs and thoughts will need challenging and action plans to change. That is why it is important that we journey together, encouraging and supporting each other to build up and reinforce God’s truth.
A word of caution, sometimes it can be easy to see the problems of others, so the words of Jesus are a timely reminder to first remove the log in your own eye first. We are not here to judge, we are here to grow. This needs to be a safe place where people can share from their heart, open and honestly, and feel loved and valued by their fellow companions.
So what is this search we are on?
· The search for truth
· The search for significance.
Most of us enjoy a good mystery or treasure hunt. I know I do. The key to finding the treasure is examining the map and beginning to put together the pieces or clues that we are given. This is the way to moving forward. Let’s prepare ourselves for an exciting few weeks ahead and to the challenges we need to overcome, to find treasure that will sustain us for our life’s journey.
What’s the treasure you may ask? It is the ‘knowing’ in your heart and in your mind of your worth, to God, to yourself and to others. The acceptance of this truth, falling deep into your soul, will act as a foundation stone, reminding you of who you are and the great value of your life in the hands of God.
Let’s begin. As with all good adventures there is a story that unfolds, this one begins with Adam.
His purpose was to reflect the Glory of God. Through his intellect, free will and emotions he was to be the showcase for God’s character. To meet his needs for companionship and understanding, Eve was created and together they lived in a perfect environment where God provided for their every need. They were perfect in body, mind and spirit.
Adam was given authority over the earth, but there was a condition. If he rebelled against God, he would lose both his authority and his perfection, becoming a slave to Satan and sin. The villain of this story is Satan and he wanted this authority and so he deceived Eve into believing a lie. Adam was not deceived, he deliberately chose to forsake the love and security of God and follow Eve in sin. (1Tim 2:14) In this act of rebellion, Adam forfeited his close communion and fellowship with God and gave Satan power and authority on earth. One of the tragic implications of this event is that man lost his secure status with God and began to struggle with feelings of arrogance, inadequacy, and despair, valuing the opinions of others more than the truth of God. This robbed man of his true self-worth and put him on a continual, but fruitless, search for significance through his success and the approval of others.
Adam’s sin had tragic consequences, but through God’s plan of redemption, we can still have the privilege of fellowshipping with Him. Because Christ paid the penalty for our sins our relationship with God has been restored. God has provided the solutions but the question is this:
Will we accept Christ’s death as the payment for our sins and discover the powerful implications of our salvation, or will we continue to follow Satan’s lies and deceptions?
We must give up our own efforts to achieve righteousness and instead believe that Christ’s death and resurrection alone are sufficient to pay for our sin and separation from God. It would be arrogance if you were trusting in yourself – your abilities, actions and good deeds – to earn your salvation.
Since the Fall, man has often failed to turn to God for the truth about himself. Instead, he has looked to others to meet his inescapable need for self-worth. “I am what others say I am”, he has reasoned. “I will find my value in their opinions of me”.
It’s amazing that we turn to others who have a perspective as limited and darkened as our own to discover our worth, rather than relying on God’s steady, uplifting reassurance of who we are. Instead we depend on others who base our worth on our ability to meet their standards.
Our search for significance is dominated by our performance and ability to please others.
Our true value is based not on our behaviour or the approval of others but on what God’s Word says is true of us.
This is where X marks the spot !!
So now we have the story, the map (God’s truth) and the ‘X’ (where the treasure lies). What we need now is a plan to get from where we are now to ‘X’ (the treasure).
Where are we now?
We are hidden in the lie that our self-worth = our performance + other’s opinions.
To move on from here we need to reject this lie and accept God’s valuation of us, this leads us to renewed hope, joy and purpose in life. We can think of this as the red line that leads us to the ‘X’. The difficulty comes in the many detours we take, going to virtually any lengths to win the approval of others and to perfect our own performance, relying on our ability and strength. This road is endless, and never gets to ‘X’, it’s doomed to fail and it continually brings disappointment and despair.
We all have a compelling, God-given need for love, acceptance and purpose. But we live by the deception that our worth is based on our performance and other’s opinions, we get caught up in 2 types of struggles.
Compulsiveness
This leads to wanting to control every situation
Perfectionist.
Motivated by the need to be a success, to be the best.
Relationships are usually manipulative and controlled, to serve their goal.
Withdrawal
Avoiding failure and disapproval by avoiding risks.
They may appear easy going, but inside they are usually running from every potential situation or relationship that might not succeed.
These are 2 broad categories, most of us fall somewhere in between. Working hard in areas we feel sure of success but avoiding people and situations that may bring rejection and failure. “Protecting ourselves”.
We develop elaborate defence mechanisms to block pain and gain significance. We suppress emotions, we are compulsive perfectionists, we drive ourselves to succeed, or we withdraw and become passive, we attack people who hurt us, we punish ourselves when we fail, we try to say clever things to be accepted, we help people so that we will be appreciated, and we say and do countless other things.
From life’s outset, we find ourselves on the prowl, searching to satisfy some inner, unexplained yearning. Our hunger causes us to search for people who will love us. Our desire for acceptance pressures us to perform to gain praise from others. We strive for success, driving our minds and bodies hard and further, hoping that because of our sweat and sacrifice others will appreciate us more.
So how did we get here?
Our self-esteem and view of God are usually a mirror of our parents’ attitudes toward us. Those who are loved and affirmed by their parents tend to have a fairly healthy self-concept and usually find it easy to believe that God is loving and powerful. Those whose parents have been neglectful, manipulative, or condemning usually seem to feel that they have to earn a sense of worth and that God is aloof, demanding and/or cruel. Our parents are our models of the character of God. When we do not have that fundamental sense of feeling lovable and protected by them, we tend to base our self-worth on how well we perform and please others instead of on what God says.
We do not have to be successful or pleasing to others to have a healthy sense of self-esteem and worth. It has freely been given to us by God. It allows us to say “While it would be nice to be approved by my parents/ or whomever, if they don’t approve of me, I’m still loved and accepted by God”.
· Christ is the source of our security.
· Christ is the basis of our worth.
· Christ is the only one who promises and never fails.
The process of change takes:
· Time
· The encouragement of others
· The truth and application of God’s Word
· The power of The Holy Spirit.
Now we are equipped with what we need let go on a hunt for treasure..... Are you with me?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Purpose Driven Life: 5 Greatest Questions 2007
In 2007 as a life group we studied the Purpose Driven Life. At the end of the book we were challenged to look at how we answer the 5 greatest questions in relation to the purpose and plan of our life using the gifts and abilities God has given us. Here I share my answers for 2007.
Chapter 40: Purpose Driven Life: 5 Greatest Questions
Q1.
What will be the centre of my life? Worship
To worship God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
To love, honour and trust God with my life and with the lives of those I love.
To recognise that without him I can do nothing. He is the strength of my life, my all.
To serve God all the days of my life, to be a good and faithful servant.
Q2.
What will be the character of my life? Discipleship
Character qualities:
Compassion
Diligence and commitment to the calling on my life.
Encourage and disciple other believers.
Develop spiritual understanding, discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness and generous love.
Endure long-suffering.
Be a peacemaker.
To know joy.
Blessing of health.
Q3.
What will be the contribution of my life? Service
Spiritual Gifts
To encourage others, discernment.
Heart
Passion for the sick, those in pain, for the dying, for families.
Minor passion for politics, for injustices, accountability of government.
Abilities
Nursing, reading, writing, listening
Personalities
Shy, introverted, a thinker.
I hate crowds, love intimacy and spending time with friends and in small group discussions.
Experiences
Relational – marriage, parenting, family dynamics, adoption, death.
Vocational – nursing experiences, teaching.
Educational – nursing, counselling, bible college.
Spiritual – lifetime of growth and development of Christian character. A deep love for the things of God.
Painful Experiences
Grief and loss, multiple losses.
A marriage separation and restoration through God’s grace and commitment.
Shattered dreams.
How can I make a difference? Choose who you can help.
Q4.
What will be the communication of my life? Mission
Mission to unbelievers: my hospital environment.
Testimony of my own life lessons. Sharing my own experience of grief and loss.
Using my Godly passions to make a difference. Going the extra mile. Influencing others through my character.
Together with my husband, we raised two now adult children to love and serve God. They are a heritage and blessing from God.
To a be a grandparent, to influence another generation in the ways of God, investing love, time and commitment to sharing God’s love so they grow up knowing the love of a Saviour.
Q5.
What will be the community of my life? Fellowship
Connection to our local church: Westlife.
To support Andrew Staggs as pastor and the leadership team.
To support and encourage other believers.
To be faithful in giving.
To serve, using my shape.
To host/ attend home group and share to encourage the growth of others.
To attend church regularly.
To attend more corporate prayer meetings.
LIFE STATEMENTS (January 2008)
Vocational Life
Compassion for the sick and dying. To continue my work in palliative care and nursing those who are in pain and distress. To provide comfort and strength and support along their journey.
To continue to educate other nurses and staff to provide quality care to the dying and to meet the needs of this group of patients in a holistic way.
To encourage and support my colleagues, giving of my time, knowledge and talent to lead and serve by example.
To respect and honour medical staff and managers, even when I disagree with them. To influence others through my character, my attitudes, words and behaviour.
To display the compassion and the love of God toward all whom I have contact within the hospital community.
To take a break from my counselling studies and reflect/ pray and decide about whether to continue the 2nd year and complete the course next year.
Spiritual Life
To develop the gifts of the Spirit in my life.
To accept my shape and be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit to guide me to fulfil the calling on my life.
A commitment to our local Westlife church.
Financial giving. Blessed to be a blessing to others.
Personal growth and development of my Christian walk.
To read and meditate on God’s word and other resources.
Begin to journal.
Personal Life
Prioritize time with God to understand His ways and to develop Christ-like character.
Develop the gifts and abilities God has given to me to minister to others, hope and encouragement, disciple women.
Overcome shyness and interact with new people.
Exercise and walk my dog more.
Take Roderick with me !!
Aim for a balanced life: eat, rest, and sleep.
Use my time wisely.
Financial saving plan, for house deposit and a return trip to the States next year.
Relational Life
Recognising that my most important relationship (2nd to God) is my marriage.
To prioritize our time so we can get time together to nurture each other.
To care, support and encourage Roderick often.
To value the love and commitment we share, focusing on our friendship, love, intimacy and guidance.
To remind Roderick of his value and worth.
Parenting is our greatest blessing; I honour my role of motherhood.
To love and support my daughter Bec through her pregnancy, recognising her fears and praying for God’s peace.
To speak life to this little soul, who we will one day call our grandchild.
To pray for Evan and encourage and reassure him as he looks for guidance to be a father.
We will continue to invest in their lives with our time, our love, our prayers, wisdom and our finances to encourage them to follow God’s plan for their lives.
Plan to take time off work to spend with Bec and the baby later this year, to support and encourage her in the early days of motherhood.
To my extended family, to be a peacemaker, investing in their lives to teach, to care for, to love, to give time and finances as needed.
Building friendships, to encourage and to share life with them.
To walk with them through the difficult times and rejoice in the good.
To be a blessing to others.
To recognise that some friendships are seasonal, but that I can still reach out to touch and support them using the gifts God has given to me.
Chapter 40: Purpose Driven Life: 5 Greatest Questions
Q1.
What will be the centre of my life? Worship
To worship God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
To love, honour and trust God with my life and with the lives of those I love.
To recognise that without him I can do nothing. He is the strength of my life, my all.
To serve God all the days of my life, to be a good and faithful servant.
Q2.
What will be the character of my life? Discipleship
Character qualities:
Compassion
Diligence and commitment to the calling on my life.
Encourage and disciple other believers.
Develop spiritual understanding, discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness and generous love.
Endure long-suffering.
Be a peacemaker.
To know joy.
Blessing of health.
Q3.
What will be the contribution of my life? Service
Spiritual Gifts
To encourage others, discernment.
Heart
Passion for the sick, those in pain, for the dying, for families.
Minor passion for politics, for injustices, accountability of government.
Abilities
Nursing, reading, writing, listening
Personalities
Shy, introverted, a thinker.
I hate crowds, love intimacy and spending time with friends and in small group discussions.
Experiences
Relational – marriage, parenting, family dynamics, adoption, death.
Vocational – nursing experiences, teaching.
Educational – nursing, counselling, bible college.
Spiritual – lifetime of growth and development of Christian character. A deep love for the things of God.
Painful Experiences
Grief and loss, multiple losses.
A marriage separation and restoration through God’s grace and commitment.
Shattered dreams.
How can I make a difference? Choose who you can help.
Q4.
What will be the communication of my life? Mission
Mission to unbelievers: my hospital environment.
Testimony of my own life lessons. Sharing my own experience of grief and loss.
Using my Godly passions to make a difference. Going the extra mile. Influencing others through my character.
Together with my husband, we raised two now adult children to love and serve God. They are a heritage and blessing from God.
To a be a grandparent, to influence another generation in the ways of God, investing love, time and commitment to sharing God’s love so they grow up knowing the love of a Saviour.
Q5.
What will be the community of my life? Fellowship
Connection to our local church: Westlife.
To support Andrew Staggs as pastor and the leadership team.
To support and encourage other believers.
To be faithful in giving.
To serve, using my shape.
To host/ attend home group and share to encourage the growth of others.
To attend church regularly.
To attend more corporate prayer meetings.
LIFE STATEMENTS (January 2008)
Vocational Life
Compassion for the sick and dying. To continue my work in palliative care and nursing those who are in pain and distress. To provide comfort and strength and support along their journey.
To continue to educate other nurses and staff to provide quality care to the dying and to meet the needs of this group of patients in a holistic way.
To encourage and support my colleagues, giving of my time, knowledge and talent to lead and serve by example.
To respect and honour medical staff and managers, even when I disagree with them. To influence others through my character, my attitudes, words and behaviour.
To display the compassion and the love of God toward all whom I have contact within the hospital community.
To take a break from my counselling studies and reflect/ pray and decide about whether to continue the 2nd year and complete the course next year.
Spiritual Life
To develop the gifts of the Spirit in my life.
To accept my shape and be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit to guide me to fulfil the calling on my life.
A commitment to our local Westlife church.
Financial giving. Blessed to be a blessing to others.
Personal growth and development of my Christian walk.
To read and meditate on God’s word and other resources.
Begin to journal.
Personal Life
Prioritize time with God to understand His ways and to develop Christ-like character.
Develop the gifts and abilities God has given to me to minister to others, hope and encouragement, disciple women.
Overcome shyness and interact with new people.
Exercise and walk my dog more.
Take Roderick with me !!
Aim for a balanced life: eat, rest, and sleep.
Use my time wisely.
Financial saving plan, for house deposit and a return trip to the States next year.
Relational Life
Recognising that my most important relationship (2nd to God) is my marriage.
To prioritize our time so we can get time together to nurture each other.
To care, support and encourage Roderick often.
To value the love and commitment we share, focusing on our friendship, love, intimacy and guidance.
To remind Roderick of his value and worth.
Parenting is our greatest blessing; I honour my role of motherhood.
To love and support my daughter Bec through her pregnancy, recognising her fears and praying for God’s peace.
To speak life to this little soul, who we will one day call our grandchild.
To pray for Evan and encourage and reassure him as he looks for guidance to be a father.
We will continue to invest in their lives with our time, our love, our prayers, wisdom and our finances to encourage them to follow God’s plan for their lives.
Plan to take time off work to spend with Bec and the baby later this year, to support and encourage her in the early days of motherhood.
To my extended family, to be a peacemaker, investing in their lives to teach, to care for, to love, to give time and finances as needed.
Building friendships, to encourage and to share life with them.
To walk with them through the difficult times and rejoice in the good.
To be a blessing to others.
To recognise that some friendships are seasonal, but that I can still reach out to touch and support them using the gifts God has given to me.
Prayer of Jabez: Reflections
Share
Today at 12:22pm
In Feb 2008, a few of us read the book titled Prayer of Jabez and encouraged others to take up the challenge and allow God to open up doors for us as we studied this prayer together. I am amazed by all that has transpired since this time. I am looking in computer files to find the other reflections that I had written in relation to this book. But here are a couple to start with.Day 16: By My Spirit (29.2.08)Yesterday we prayed for more power. Today we read that our success is not about our ability, but about God’s power and our dependence on it. This is different thinking to what the world would tell us, that life’s outcomes depend on our ability to make things happen.Relying on God and asking for His hand to be on us is the touch of greatness. It releases God’s power to accomplish His will in our life. We do not become great, He becomes great through us. God’s power under us, in us, surging though us is exactly what turn’s dependence into unforgettable experiences of completeness. “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show this all surpassing power is from God” 2 Corinthians 4:7.The true purpose of eternity is accomplished by His Spirit as we offer up our lives to His service.Today we pray and ask God to take our earthen vessels and fill them with His Spirit, so we can pour out His power into the lives of others. Day 20: No Pride Inside (4.3.08)Yesterday we read that courage has been called the cornerstone of the virtues. We looked at the comparisons between Paul and Timothy. I do recognise a lot of Timothy’s character reflected in my own life. I can achieve nothing in my own strength as I am weak within my won insecurities. It is my dependence on Holy Spirit that I am able to rise and say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.Today we examine a stumbling block that has existed throughout Biblical history and is just as evident in society today, where the focus is on a self-centred lifestyle and a ‘what’s in it for me attitude’....PRIDE. “The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this, they will not go unpunished” Proverbs 16:5. God warns us that pride comes before a fall (proverbs 11:2) and that the sinful nature in all of us can easily take us down this road of destruction. We can easily slip into thinking that somehow we (using our abilities) have contributed to the great things God is powerfully doing through us. We seek praise for ourselves instead of bringing glory to God.Our desire Lord God, is to practice humility, for it is in humility that wisdom is found (proverbs 11:2). May we always remember that without you in our life, we are nothing; but with your hand on our lives, nothing will be impossible as we trust in your goodness. Amen.
Share
Today at 12:22pm
In Feb 2008, a few of us read the book titled Prayer of Jabez and encouraged others to take up the challenge and allow God to open up doors for us as we studied this prayer together. I am amazed by all that has transpired since this time. I am looking in computer files to find the other reflections that I had written in relation to this book. But here are a couple to start with.Day 16: By My Spirit (29.2.08)Yesterday we prayed for more power. Today we read that our success is not about our ability, but about God’s power and our dependence on it. This is different thinking to what the world would tell us, that life’s outcomes depend on our ability to make things happen.Relying on God and asking for His hand to be on us is the touch of greatness. It releases God’s power to accomplish His will in our life. We do not become great, He becomes great through us. God’s power under us, in us, surging though us is exactly what turn’s dependence into unforgettable experiences of completeness. “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show this all surpassing power is from God” 2 Corinthians 4:7.The true purpose of eternity is accomplished by His Spirit as we offer up our lives to His service.Today we pray and ask God to take our earthen vessels and fill them with His Spirit, so we can pour out His power into the lives of others. Day 20: No Pride Inside (4.3.08)Yesterday we read that courage has been called the cornerstone of the virtues. We looked at the comparisons between Paul and Timothy. I do recognise a lot of Timothy’s character reflected in my own life. I can achieve nothing in my own strength as I am weak within my won insecurities. It is my dependence on Holy Spirit that I am able to rise and say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.Today we examine a stumbling block that has existed throughout Biblical history and is just as evident in society today, where the focus is on a self-centred lifestyle and a ‘what’s in it for me attitude’....PRIDE. “The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this, they will not go unpunished” Proverbs 16:5. God warns us that pride comes before a fall (proverbs 11:2) and that the sinful nature in all of us can easily take us down this road of destruction. We can easily slip into thinking that somehow we (using our abilities) have contributed to the great things God is powerfully doing through us. We seek praise for ourselves instead of bringing glory to God.Our desire Lord God, is to practice humility, for it is in humility that wisdom is found (proverbs 11:2). May we always remember that without you in our life, we are nothing; but with your hand on our lives, nothing will be impossible as we trust in your goodness. Amen.
Friday, September 4, 2009
My Thanksgiving Reflection, November 2006
My Thanksgiving Reflection
“Let us give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever and His faithfulness continues through all generations”. (Psalms 100:4, 5)
This is at the heart of ‘Thanksgiving’. It is a time to stop and thank God for all He has done in our lives and to appreciate the family He has blessed us with. Today, as I look out into the vastness of the ocean before me and hear the roar of the waves as they break onto the shore, I cannot help but reflect on how far I have journeyed, not just in these last few weeks, but over these last 8 years. It was at this time of ‘Thanksgiving’ in 1998 that my family here came together to morn, and to also give thanks for the life of Albert Connett, my father. Around the same time on another continent a letter was being sent to this same man, in a desperate search to connect a father with a daughter he never knew existed.
People say when God closes one door a window opens. In my case, my brother, Abby opened a window to the opportunity of gaining a sister and introducing her into a family of ‘Connett’s”. Twelve months later, after endless emails and correspondences back and forth, I arrived on US soil in excited anticipation. As I read back over diary entries of those first meetings, the nervous excitement, the insecurities and doubts of ‘what on earth I was doing’ and along with this, there were endless questions that I was seeking answers too. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Yes, I had come to meet my family, but I had also come to find out who was Albert Connett (III) and how significant could he be now in helping me to search for the part of my life missing for over 30 years. I remember those 6 weeks here as an emotional rollercoaster ride, with each meeting, there were stories, photo’s, laughter and tears, and from each person I was able to begin to know a man they called ‘Dad’ and “Brother”, a man who had been only a name to me for most of my life, he was now becoming alive. I know this statement sounds like a paradox considering he had died a year earlier, but this is how it was for me. It was also a time of mourning for me. A significant memory will always be visiting the site of Abby’s final resting place out on Long Is, and grieving for a man I never knew, and yet who gave me life. The incredible sadness of getting so close to contacting him, and to have it taken from me when it was almost within grasp cannot ever be explained or expressed, except maybe to say it was the same pain I felt when I lost Peter, without ever knowing him either. At times like today, when I allow myself time to think on these things, the same pain comes flooding in like a tide and you cannot help but ponder on the ‘if onlys’. It is a place to visit, but not to stay. Like burial plots you visit to reach out to memories but after a while you know there is no life here, and so you pick yourself up and return to the life that you know and look again to the many blessings it holds.
From that first visit, I went home changed in many ways. I had a new understanding of who I was and a new acceptance of his. For years I had tried to change the areas of my life that made me so different from others around me, now I knew where these genetic traits originated and it was ok to have them as it was a reflection of my heritage as a ‘Connett’. I now see my life as a giant jigsaw puzzle with no picture to help me complete it; instead I know I have the guiding hand of the Lord and His instruction manual. All at once, and yet at different times I am working on specific sections and relationships. When I first travelled here I arrived with only a few treasured pieces (of my Dad) and I left with hundreds to work on. On the second trip over here with Roderick, David and Bec, I was able to begin to unite the two worlds (life in Australia with my heritage and family here). These last few months, have seen that picture become more complete and in each place I have gone, I have taken on more and more pieces. I realize now why God doesn’t give us the whole picture, or ever tell us how many pieces there are to our lives, as we may not even want to undertake the journey. It is a true tapestry of time, because even though our lives are a unique picture, we are interwoven into the lives of others around us, our families, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. We are shaped and influenced by those around us, not always for good, many of us can relate to some battle scars, but we can trust in a God that can turn troubled times around and bring forth a blessing from the remotest of places. My life has certainly been a testament to this.
Back to Thanksgiving, I want to use this letter to firstly thank God for all He has done in my life, for the many blessings I enjoy each day, and for the family He ahs given to me.
To those in Australia, this really is a celebration worth having and next year we will do it together! Roderick and I love you all heaps, and ‘no matter how far or how wide we roam, we still call Australia home”.! We have missed you all, there have been days when we were terribly homesick and so we really appreciated your emails, cards and calls, to help us get through them. We do look forward to coming home and seeing you all again. However, it will be difficult to leave the States this time. It has been our home for 4 months and our ties are stronger. We feel like we are home here too, this is a difficult concept to explain, David knows what I mean and I suspect that my Dad (Abby) once felt the same way about Australia. I remember when David came home from his extended stay here, there were days when he would have tears in his eyes because he missed being in the States with Hartley. The life he had experienced here has forever changed him, and the same can be said for Roderick and me.
So to our family here we want to say ”Thank you”, for your love and open hearts, for your hospitality and generosity, for accepting us into your lives and sharing with us your memories. It is through all of you that I feel I have come home, and while I have never had the name ‘Connett’ you have embraced me as one, which has meant more to me than you will ever know. Thank you.
I have chosen to use this letter to share my heart with those I love. To reflect on part of a journey that has been deeply personal and significant to me. I share it, so all my family may see a glimpse into why this Thanksgiving will be so special to me, not because of a ‘day’, but because of the lives of those around me. Roderick and I have shared “Thanksgiving” times throughout our time here and equally so with our family at home. We have countless photos’ to remember them by ! So to everyone of you near and far “Happy Thanksgiving”, we will be thinking of you all and praying a special blessing comes your way as you have blessed us.
All our love,
Decima and Roderick
“Let us give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever and His faithfulness continues through all generations”. (Psalms 100:4, 5)
This is at the heart of ‘Thanksgiving’. It is a time to stop and thank God for all He has done in our lives and to appreciate the family He has blessed us with. Today, as I look out into the vastness of the ocean before me and hear the roar of the waves as they break onto the shore, I cannot help but reflect on how far I have journeyed, not just in these last few weeks, but over these last 8 years. It was at this time of ‘Thanksgiving’ in 1998 that my family here came together to morn, and to also give thanks for the life of Albert Connett, my father. Around the same time on another continent a letter was being sent to this same man, in a desperate search to connect a father with a daughter he never knew existed.
People say when God closes one door a window opens. In my case, my brother, Abby opened a window to the opportunity of gaining a sister and introducing her into a family of ‘Connett’s”. Twelve months later, after endless emails and correspondences back and forth, I arrived on US soil in excited anticipation. As I read back over diary entries of those first meetings, the nervous excitement, the insecurities and doubts of ‘what on earth I was doing’ and along with this, there were endless questions that I was seeking answers too. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Yes, I had come to meet my family, but I had also come to find out who was Albert Connett (III) and how significant could he be now in helping me to search for the part of my life missing for over 30 years. I remember those 6 weeks here as an emotional rollercoaster ride, with each meeting, there were stories, photo’s, laughter and tears, and from each person I was able to begin to know a man they called ‘Dad’ and “Brother”, a man who had been only a name to me for most of my life, he was now becoming alive. I know this statement sounds like a paradox considering he had died a year earlier, but this is how it was for me. It was also a time of mourning for me. A significant memory will always be visiting the site of Abby’s final resting place out on Long Is, and grieving for a man I never knew, and yet who gave me life. The incredible sadness of getting so close to contacting him, and to have it taken from me when it was almost within grasp cannot ever be explained or expressed, except maybe to say it was the same pain I felt when I lost Peter, without ever knowing him either. At times like today, when I allow myself time to think on these things, the same pain comes flooding in like a tide and you cannot help but ponder on the ‘if onlys’. It is a place to visit, but not to stay. Like burial plots you visit to reach out to memories but after a while you know there is no life here, and so you pick yourself up and return to the life that you know and look again to the many blessings it holds.
From that first visit, I went home changed in many ways. I had a new understanding of who I was and a new acceptance of his. For years I had tried to change the areas of my life that made me so different from others around me, now I knew where these genetic traits originated and it was ok to have them as it was a reflection of my heritage as a ‘Connett’. I now see my life as a giant jigsaw puzzle with no picture to help me complete it; instead I know I have the guiding hand of the Lord and His instruction manual. All at once, and yet at different times I am working on specific sections and relationships. When I first travelled here I arrived with only a few treasured pieces (of my Dad) and I left with hundreds to work on. On the second trip over here with Roderick, David and Bec, I was able to begin to unite the two worlds (life in Australia with my heritage and family here). These last few months, have seen that picture become more complete and in each place I have gone, I have taken on more and more pieces. I realize now why God doesn’t give us the whole picture, or ever tell us how many pieces there are to our lives, as we may not even want to undertake the journey. It is a true tapestry of time, because even though our lives are a unique picture, we are interwoven into the lives of others around us, our families, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. We are shaped and influenced by those around us, not always for good, many of us can relate to some battle scars, but we can trust in a God that can turn troubled times around and bring forth a blessing from the remotest of places. My life has certainly been a testament to this.
Back to Thanksgiving, I want to use this letter to firstly thank God for all He has done in my life, for the many blessings I enjoy each day, and for the family He ahs given to me.
To those in Australia, this really is a celebration worth having and next year we will do it together! Roderick and I love you all heaps, and ‘no matter how far or how wide we roam, we still call Australia home”.! We have missed you all, there have been days when we were terribly homesick and so we really appreciated your emails, cards and calls, to help us get through them. We do look forward to coming home and seeing you all again. However, it will be difficult to leave the States this time. It has been our home for 4 months and our ties are stronger. We feel like we are home here too, this is a difficult concept to explain, David knows what I mean and I suspect that my Dad (Abby) once felt the same way about Australia. I remember when David came home from his extended stay here, there were days when he would have tears in his eyes because he missed being in the States with Hartley. The life he had experienced here has forever changed him, and the same can be said for Roderick and me.
So to our family here we want to say ”Thank you”, for your love and open hearts, for your hospitality and generosity, for accepting us into your lives and sharing with us your memories. It is through all of you that I feel I have come home, and while I have never had the name ‘Connett’ you have embraced me as one, which has meant more to me than you will ever know. Thank you.
I have chosen to use this letter to share my heart with those I love. To reflect on part of a journey that has been deeply personal and significant to me. I share it, so all my family may see a glimpse into why this Thanksgiving will be so special to me, not because of a ‘day’, but because of the lives of those around me. Roderick and I have shared “Thanksgiving” times throughout our time here and equally so with our family at home. We have countless photos’ to remember them by ! So to everyone of you near and far “Happy Thanksgiving”, we will be thinking of you all and praying a special blessing comes your way as you have blessed us.
All our love,
Decima and Roderick
My Reflection, September 2009
The last reflection I wrote was for Thanksgiving 2006 while I was in the States. Now that time seems such a distant memory, and my family there seem so far away. We live with the hope of again returning and sharing some special times together that we will forever treasure in our hearts.
This has been a tough week for me at work, on the back of a tough few months. Yesterday I said ‘Goodbye’ to a patient who could have been my daughter, born only a week before my daughter, Bec. This week I sat each day comforting her parents, all the while thanking God it was not me in their situation. It was heartbreaking; all I could promise was a comfortable death for their only daughter. A daughter they will never see married or have children as I have been privileged to do. A daughter who wanted to live, to keep her dignity and her independence; just like my Bec would want to do. Each time I said her name, my grand-daughters face would flash in front of me and each afternoon as I left I would see them look at me like they longed to be able to leave their nightmare behind them too. I am convinced that losing a child is the hardest road to travel, it is one I can identify with and I know this journey and pain for these parents will continue for years to come. In my heart I cry with them. When I got in the lift yesterday I knew in my heart that before I come back Monday, they will take the lift one last time and leave their ‘little girl’ behind.
It was one of those days I wanted to come home and hold Bec close, just because I could. I wanted to see Katelyn’s face and hear her little laugh because I am a grandmother and a mother. Instead the ordinary things of life crept in, like an appointment to the accountant for our annual tax assessment. I arrived home, secretly hoping for an email that would lift my spirits, but instead there was one that made me sad. I can appreciate and understand that the world that I work in every day is not one that touches outside lives and I try as much as I can to shield my family and friends from this world of heartbreak and pain, but sometimes I wish they could take the lessons from another’s suffering. The most important lesson is that ‘tomorrows’ are not guaranteed. The moments God gives us are in the everyday, in watching our children grow, in sharing life and loving together. The things that come to divide us will one day mean nothing when someone dies. Some battles are just not worth engaging in. In my life, I have encountered a lot of death, the death of loved ones as well as the death of many patients. I can remember clearly when my Dad died when I had just turned 13. It may have been expected but the pain was raw and I grieved for a long time, this grief continues on as special events occur like weddings and the birth of my children and my brother’s children too. Dad would have given anything to be able to have shared these moments with us. In the jigsaw of life, when we experience the death of a loved one, we lose so many pieces, and they are ongoing. They can never be replaced and there will always be moments like today, where you long for them to be here to hold you and ease the pain that your heart is experiencing.
Another Milestone
In 3 weeks time, Roderick and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We have loved each other for over 30 years. We have endured the difficulties, and survived against the odds. We have enjoyed many wonderful years, and been blessed beyond measure by a God who has comforted us, continually loved us and redeemed to us the years the locust had eaten. There were times when we were self absorbed and too busy to care, unable to see our relationship and home deteriorating before us. We are grateful that God turned this around for us and today we are sharing the best years of our lives together. Our children (and grand-daughter) are our greatest legacy. We are so proud of the adults they have matured into. Watching Bec mother Katelyn brings me enormous pride, because as a mother, you hope and pray that your daughter will be all that God has called her to be and more. I see this in Bec, she has a maturity beyond her years. The family that she and Evan have founded will be a blessing to future generations. Today, I am also witness to a future that my son, David is planning with Amanda; it brings me great joy to see their love blossom and to know God is bringing them to a place of commitment for a future life together. I am enjoying the opportunities to get to know Amanda more, to enjoy her company and support them both on this journey.
This feels like a double edged reflection, and in some ways it is. My life is full, busy and hopefully productive. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had and excited about the future God has planned for Roderick and I. We are thankful for the family and friends that God has given to us and their place in our lives. Our prayer is that we are a blessing to those around us and that we may inspire others to be all that God has purposed them to be.
Decima
This has been a tough week for me at work, on the back of a tough few months. Yesterday I said ‘Goodbye’ to a patient who could have been my daughter, born only a week before my daughter, Bec. This week I sat each day comforting her parents, all the while thanking God it was not me in their situation. It was heartbreaking; all I could promise was a comfortable death for their only daughter. A daughter they will never see married or have children as I have been privileged to do. A daughter who wanted to live, to keep her dignity and her independence; just like my Bec would want to do. Each time I said her name, my grand-daughters face would flash in front of me and each afternoon as I left I would see them look at me like they longed to be able to leave their nightmare behind them too. I am convinced that losing a child is the hardest road to travel, it is one I can identify with and I know this journey and pain for these parents will continue for years to come. In my heart I cry with them. When I got in the lift yesterday I knew in my heart that before I come back Monday, they will take the lift one last time and leave their ‘little girl’ behind.
It was one of those days I wanted to come home and hold Bec close, just because I could. I wanted to see Katelyn’s face and hear her little laugh because I am a grandmother and a mother. Instead the ordinary things of life crept in, like an appointment to the accountant for our annual tax assessment. I arrived home, secretly hoping for an email that would lift my spirits, but instead there was one that made me sad. I can appreciate and understand that the world that I work in every day is not one that touches outside lives and I try as much as I can to shield my family and friends from this world of heartbreak and pain, but sometimes I wish they could take the lessons from another’s suffering. The most important lesson is that ‘tomorrows’ are not guaranteed. The moments God gives us are in the everyday, in watching our children grow, in sharing life and loving together. The things that come to divide us will one day mean nothing when someone dies. Some battles are just not worth engaging in. In my life, I have encountered a lot of death, the death of loved ones as well as the death of many patients. I can remember clearly when my Dad died when I had just turned 13. It may have been expected but the pain was raw and I grieved for a long time, this grief continues on as special events occur like weddings and the birth of my children and my brother’s children too. Dad would have given anything to be able to have shared these moments with us. In the jigsaw of life, when we experience the death of a loved one, we lose so many pieces, and they are ongoing. They can never be replaced and there will always be moments like today, where you long for them to be here to hold you and ease the pain that your heart is experiencing.
Another Milestone
In 3 weeks time, Roderick and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We have loved each other for over 30 years. We have endured the difficulties, and survived against the odds. We have enjoyed many wonderful years, and been blessed beyond measure by a God who has comforted us, continually loved us and redeemed to us the years the locust had eaten. There were times when we were self absorbed and too busy to care, unable to see our relationship and home deteriorating before us. We are grateful that God turned this around for us and today we are sharing the best years of our lives together. Our children (and grand-daughter) are our greatest legacy. We are so proud of the adults they have matured into. Watching Bec mother Katelyn brings me enormous pride, because as a mother, you hope and pray that your daughter will be all that God has called her to be and more. I see this in Bec, she has a maturity beyond her years. The family that she and Evan have founded will be a blessing to future generations. Today, I am also witness to a future that my son, David is planning with Amanda; it brings me great joy to see their love blossom and to know God is bringing them to a place of commitment for a future life together. I am enjoying the opportunities to get to know Amanda more, to enjoy her company and support them both on this journey.
This feels like a double edged reflection, and in some ways it is. My life is full, busy and hopefully productive. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had and excited about the future God has planned for Roderick and I. We are thankful for the family and friends that God has given to us and their place in our lives. Our prayer is that we are a blessing to those around us and that we may inspire others to be all that God has purposed them to be.
Decima
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